Manly Things

Like meat, and swearing.

 

The Meatwich

So one fateful night Mike says, "hey, let's go grab some food". To this I pose the question, "Do I feel like chicken or beef?"

Mike: "Both."

Thus, the meatwich was born.

The first stop was the store. There we walked the aisles picking up random animals and tossing them in the basket. My final design was: shrimp wrapped in crab wrapped in beef wrapped in chicken wrapped in bacon... and some bread for good measure.

The layering begins

Mmmm... bacons

So, here we are all set to grill

For seasoning we had this stuff called "Butt Rub", which I'm pretty sure is ground up salt, pepper, and children.

Now, a funny thing happens when you cook that much meat and bacon and the like all at once. For the sake of simplicity, we'll call it a grease fire. But I think a more technical explanation would reveal that it is excess awesomeness spilling out. Charred meat is manly anyway.

We did pay a bit more attention after that near catastrophe and finished grilling without further excitement.

A feast fit for a barbarian king. Now, as far as taste in concerned...

The chicken, beef, and bacon were flawless. The shrimp was hardly noticable. The crab, however, was offensive. I don't even know quite how to describe it. Take all the awesome ingredients listed here, but instead of using bread stuff it all in a used gym sock. I think that gets the idea across.

Lesson learned... you win this round, crabs.

 

Phil's Surprise birthday

Well, you may recall Phil's bachelor party down in Kentucky. His wife wanted to throw him a surprise birthday party, and by chance they were having a christmas party at the very same hotel that we were in last time. So, we all pulled the ninja on poor Phil and got into his room while they were out. We decked out the tub like normal, emptying the industrial ice machines.

Here you see Steve attempting the daring "Tub Stand".

We had people hidden everywhere, including 3 hiding on a windowsill.

More were crammed in the bathroom. I hid on the floor past the bed and waited with cell phone in hand. When they entered, I called Phil's cell which was on the nightstand. Funny thing is... after the first exchange he still hadn't figured out I was in the room with him.

You can't see it, but when Steve popped out of the window Phil reached for a gun to shoot him. Thank god Jess made him leave it at home.

The rest of the night went pretty much as one would expect, minus one small wrinkle: a mechanical bull Vs. Bob. I lost. I really lost.

One might have trouble riding a bull in general after copius amounts of alcohol. On top of that, the man who operates the bull wouldn't even let me get on. Every time I'd jump to get on he'd spin the thing and send me flying. Oh well, at least I entertained the other bar patrons with my misfortune.

No, really, he didn't want me getting on the bull.

You know you have it rough when the man who tosses people off that thing for a living hangs his head with shame for what he has done to you. Sadly, some of the best stuff didn't make it to video, like me getting tossed past the protective mat and landing on the carpet... on my head.

 

I have, however, successfully conquered a real cow.

Dave did too. Sadly, Glen took it with his cell phone and giggled so loud I had to remove the audio. However, Dave does fall in the poo in that video, so I guess it's give and take.

As we were trying to figure out how to get on the freakin' thing safely there was a recurring theme: protect your balls.

And then, we both managed to get on it at once... mastering cow kind in the name of humanity.

Adam rode a cow, too...

 

Ok, that's good enough for now. Nature was conquered, meat was consumed, Bob got murdered. All is as it should be.

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