QUOTES TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT!
If you see your name on here, and you don't like it, let me know and I will remove it... for a dollar.
*New!* Create your own story contest
The goal here is to create a story which only uses the quotes found here for dialogue. IE: Little Timmy picked up the hamster, which promptly asked "what kind of noun is fuckery?" Go crazy, and e-mail em to me and I will post them here.
xxzombiex13xx: the guy was screaming at a patient for being crazy and having his weewee jabbed
malini: fun times tho, crazy hoe and a picnic table
xxzombiex13xx: goddamn abortion in my oven
taovasectomy: fear my dildo of vanquishing +10
LftRightCenter: i just pooped a pentagon
davep1124: i wonder who bubb rubb will vote for
PaleHinduHomie: please kill everyone
LftRightCenter: like he was asking somebody yesterday about how long a girls pudgy was
sniper376: we were all made of woodchuck after that night
Blueflowers: that girl eating her hand is stuipd
xxzombiex13xx: I have to kill myself so I can get back to normal
PaleHinduHomie: i sometimes think i was once a horny grandma
LftRightCenter: thats not even half as fast as i can masturbate
Stiiv Ryan: yes, Santa Claus, there IS a vagina
LftRightCenter: i shan't ever feed a stray cat to thy jaws of destruction
Blueflowers: i wish alfred hitchcock was an attractive woman
xxzombiex13xx: yeah I stepped out to punch the dog for being a dog and hated every minutes of it.. except the punching part
CheeseShotgun: do you think adam is steamy because of global warming?
neddyned6: those.. little ass biting voices...
KingOMtDew: fly piggy fly
LftRightCenter: i dont even think the 3rd one was a girl
Issolder: full of alchol and fruit
Blueflowers: come over.... im listening to like a virgin and jumping around wet and completly naked
neddyned6: I shall burn your monkeys
Horrible Flowers (10:53:07 AM): ever pooped in a empty paint can?
LftRightCenter: f bombs flying like peter pan
Stiiv Ryan: "& on the subject of honesty....ever shit out corn, but you don't remember eating corn?"
xxzombiex13xx: it's like a den of baby foxes getting slain
Stiiv Ryan: like I don't know that pee-drinking commies are silly????????
KingOMtDew: 9 skulls just appeared at my front door
xx ZombieX13 xx: at the same time as the usual drunken assholes and crazy old women trying to escape
tavernlong: And your human count is what?
Horrible Flowers: Fatty is aloof
Ackbar4: dang- why don't i get to train, they just send me to kill people without ever teaching me the proper technique
Blueflowers: LASER DISK PORN
sniper376: well they sent it but something was put in wrong and it only vaporizes angry sea bass right now
Stiiv Ryan: "Dear Penthouse...my girlfriend puts her penis in my mouth...."
Issolder: i will lay on that table naked sometime during the week
BrassBigD: When was the last time you targeted the elderly?
xx ZombieX13 xx: I haven't seen a severed head in forever and it's starting to piss me off
xx ZombieX13 xx: she's talking about how she like zombies and wants to sex them
taovasectomy: ma cago in the prostitute mother who gave birth to you
lilSkimo7: so he wants to slice me up asap
ChuckTaylor YL: is it sad that I would buy a down syndrome cat if it were true
KingOMtDew: its so nice to be topless
xx ZombieX13 xx: like a raccoon to the tin foil
Raam Dev: i need something i can use in combat against a grizzly bear
LftRightCenter: since the canadian life expectancy is until you can no longer take a slap shot
sniper376: I can also use it as a pillow when I drink too much at a frat party and wake up in a ditch chewing on a used condom!
Stiiv Ryan: for me, ultimate frisbee would be throwing hippies around in zero-G
lilSkimo7: except my mom doesnt have a penis
davep1124: one time... i looked at jacob and yelled pee fight
taovasectomy: come here b1tch, I smack ur bride with my katana of vanquishing
xx ZombieX13 xx: that look suspiciously like I ate too much guacamole smothered crabs
neddyned6: that's perfect unicorn hair
taovasectomy: we all of a sudden had fkin gardening contests
xx ZombieX13 xx: people walking around in wooden robots
Blueflowers: and when youre bored you can fuck with them once you realize they have nothing of value
benkenstein1: it of course was about eating people
lilSkimo7: "and did you sit with no pants on holding it?"
Blueflowers: i enjoy meat spin
BigEvan6969: MAN-BUSH YOU ARE NATURES GREATEST WONDER!!
taovasectomy: and one shouldn't call an mma fighter a lil bitch on stage
BrassBigD: You made it ethereally piss itself.
teamdeltaforce: I have 40 pounds of high explosives and 18 packets of jello sitting on the floor of my living room, what could be better?
Stiiv Ryan: "before, we were eating shit...now we're eating it rolled in debris"
PaleHinduHomie: if that's the case, ask for one small child's soul
benkenstein1: older people will need warmth but im not sleeping at some old dudes house under the cover with him
xx ZombieX13 xx: cock-a-doodle-BOOM!
Blueflowers: good deeds dont go unrewarded, even if you are a bastard
LftRightCenter: my next goal is too carve one out of a toothbrush
PaleHinduHomie: DOGGY STYLE NAZI
Stiiv Ryan: no, that's not funny, but the fetus serving suggestions is sssuper lol
LftRightCenter: who is later eaten by an elephant
lilSkimo7: Dr. Anderson says that, " George Lakoff is a liar, and is totally gay"
xx ZombieX13 xx: what kind of noun is fuckery?
Stiiv Ryan: find some hypnotic old bitches who send you money for making videos while you smoke pot, comfy in slippers
LftRightCenter: like the feeling before you rape a girl that successful thing
lilSkimo7: I'M SUPER SUPER CEREAL
xx ZombieX13 xx: ass hats is getting full
Stiiv Ryan: I understand that all topless dancers will have their bras at half-mast
xx ZombieX13 xx: my balls are water proof!
PaleHinduHomie: those spermies are clever...gotta avoid em swimming toward you or you might get preggers!
LftRightCenter: and the night i had to run around the block nude as a dare gave me a cold
Stiiv Ryan: as bad as inhaling vomit not your own?
Pulled Over Org: I'll just skip the first part and start calling you my goat
xx ZombieX13 xx: watching baby and cat videos will make any man a hungry man
teamdeltaforce: frozen bodies are the best, all the fun, none of the smell
SchmidtyFord03: I was playing the crazy mexican
LftRightCenter: man i needed a break from killing people
Stiiv Ryan: I will yell, but in japanese
xx ZombieX13 xx: super chuck drop kicked and hog tied a heroin OD today
Subterfuge83: For better or for worse, I'm married for the next 6 years
Libratsio: WHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LftRightCenter: your mom is parallel to my penis
Stiiv Ryan: I will shit your pants from here
Subterfuge83: Don't move.... GIVE ME ALL YOUR SOUP!
Viper01382: i know i got toys for tits that sunday at the football game
LftRightCenter: gays do not exist in korea
SchmidtyFord03: still pulling out a little laytex in my belly button
KingOMtDew: you smell like cigarettes and fart
sniper376: adam says fuck you you communist bastard
xx ZombieX13 xx: Grad schools are like pedophiles... they're both looking for someone young to take it in the ass from them.
LftRightCenter: i've always wanted to see a man with the brain of a child executed
SchmidtyFord03: I still smell like chocolate syrup
xx ZombieX13 xx: you usually break these things down into science whereas I just murder and eat
Ackbar4: i majored in philosophering for 3 days once
LftRightCenter: slightly fewer kidnappings
PaleHinduHomie: bout time someone slaughtered me
KingOMtDew: i need to stick a pube in its eye
Pulled Over Org: I'll have to talk with you later...I'm doing my mothers school project for her..
lilSkimo7: and made a label for it w/ a skull and cross bones that reads " ASP POISON"
Ackbar4: and since have been unleashed upon our sewers... i pity the albino alligators
xx ZombieX13 xx: FUCKING TAPE! WHO TAPES A BOX CLOSED?!?!
Horrible Flowers: i was bit by a squirrel today
Subterfuge83: Will you make baby stew then?
xx ZombieX13 xx: so I cold cocked the router
Issolder: thank god for car bombs
BrassBigD: by stars I mean bullets and needles.
PaleHinduHomie: and they will make hamsturtles
svarrog: HI SORRY i WAS TALKING TO ALIEN SO COULDN'T DEDICATE YOU TOO MUC TIME
xx ZombieX13 xx: he made a poop and was drinking a beer next to it
TMSchuetz85: ok i'll keep you posted if I die
lilSkimo7: you owe me some chicken
PaleHinduHomie: or just a mexican with a third arm
Stiiv Ryan: & said, "I want to thank you personally..." & gave my nads a friendly hello
Subterfuge83: stop shooting at planes
benkenstein1: turkeys scattered across road
PaleHinduHomie: BREAST FEEDING
davep1124: did you start your own militia yet?
x kalashnikova x: i was at warped and i was dancin it up to Chiodos with my shirt off and they dedicated a song to "the hairiest man they had ever seen" gave me a shoutout and told everybody that i was "fucking rad"
Viper01382: hell yea... one fat chick is enough for me... i did not want to feel like a sandwitch
Stiiv Ryan: homo like a FOX!
lilSkimo7: maybe i'll go buy that date rape drug and give it to myself before i go
xx ZombieX13 xx: lego sized penis
Blueflowers: im already exploiting the exploiter
PaleHinduHomie: i'm surprised she could put clothes on without burning herself
on the stove
lilSkimo7: i dont want a camera in my penis
sniper376: yeah maybe im not sure when she is getting back. im about to eat myself
KingOMtDew: you and dave half naked running around chopping down trees
xx ZombieX13 xx: specifically the one who whoopercized the ass of the chick who was tossed in the ER
Blueflowers: Take 2 chicken nuggets, and stick them up your ass and give me 4 chicken nuggets
lilSkimo7: cant be too full when im being poked
PaleHinduHomie: put a taco in ur pants
BrassBigD: but then a squirrel jumped into the main transformer.
lilSkimo7: basically im like a rotten pumpkin
KingOMtDew: i now have a neatly trimmed bush
xx ZombieX13 xx: I hope my daddy doesn't give me a ITD
Blueflowers: i like the intercepting xmas letters
Viper01382: yeah, i aint shitted in a week
PaleHinduHomie: but they'd still be chokin on my giant air balls
teamdeltaforce: burrito powered tech support is allways useful to have around
Ackbar4: yeah he sent the pictures of the hole in his ass but i don't think i'll go spreadin those round the net
xx ZombieX13 xx: and by CPR I mean butt sex
Ackbar4: jasurebut if im dead i wont anser
Subterfuge83: Once everyone was there, I said on the count of three lets all point and laugh before we call an ambulance...
ClonesChick316: do you know if Mickey hates me?
KingOMtDew: welp, its finally happened, looks like i might be going to prison next week
PaleHinduHomie: ooooh it's based on my nostrils
Ackbar4: DONT JUSE THOSE JEEEDAI MIND TRICKS ON ME
Stiiv Ryan: hey mention these twin boys who were named Lemon Jello & Orange Jello
teamdeltaforce: i am not sure what the protocol is for pre-wedding taunting
benkenstein1: .m soo jryunk iotgs not funy
KingOMtDew: lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying
PaleHinduHomie: let me put this in terms you can understand: snaaaaack pack.
xx ZombieX13 xx: I then beaned it with a rubber potty foot twice causing feather loss
Stiiv Ryan: "she closed her legs & broke my glasses"
PaleHinduHomie: i wonder if cannibals eat human rinds
Subterfuge83: The word AIDS sounds a lot like eggs. I wonder if anyone ever misheard their significant other to say, "Honey, I just tested positive for eggs," because I bet someone could have a good laugh for a minute or two off that, at least until the other person repeated themselves more clearly.
Issolder: we rode out there in my mini van and we were like kids in a candy store
PaleHinduHomie: r they giant robot skunks?
Stiiv Ryan: I actually told her, as I was hugging her, hey, shut the fuck up, willya?
PaleHinduHomie: i found bob saget's head on a stick
Horrible Flowers: but we serve the Native American community....so we stock a lot of big buck cars...
Stiiv Ryan: then, of course I made it dirty, by implying that it's sex for apples...fruit being expensive back in europe
lilSkimo7: ba ba ba SKWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL bab baSKEEEEEEEEEEEEEL
makemydayfoo: nope...about 100 pounds of napalm
Stiiv Ryan: still...definite wolf boner
PaleHinduHomie: oh jesus. no way i came out of bob's vagina.
Stiiv Ryan: you put a man on the grill?
x kalashnikova x: ill drink shirley temples till im silly. just watch
xx ZombieX13 xx: it died in your hands
inferno41586: or warsmurf
KillBilly TAO: so when are you going to piss me off today
PaleHinduHomie: so the pizza box will still allow it to sit on the cradle?
lilSkimo7: when's the last time they said no to bob
Stiiv Ryan: he was in love with smurfette for a time...soo pathetic
Blueflowers: but its okay cuz hes not real hes just on the internet
PaleHinduHomie: *begins stabbing motion*
thS0C0M41: oh, by the way.. thanks for the forks..
Subterfuge83: I wish you'd leave my mom's coffin alone, you bastage
Stiiv Ryan: then I answered, no, Carl, Europe changed to metric colors in the 1800's
PaleHinduHomie: YOU TOWN BIKE!
Subterfuge83: I'm scrubbing the sidewalk in front of the taco stand
xx ZombieX13 xx: my little brother saw an old lady in a power chair get hit by a truck
tssarMark: Lightening is Michael Jackson's treatment.
PaleHinduHomie: is hamilton county part of cinci?
lilSkimo7: and i was like "im the bastard who offered you ice cream
Subterfuge83: What about kitten stew?
Stiiv Ryan: well, aside from the mental health implications, the ones on top of others don't cook up right...soggy...then the ones under them get soggy
Libratsio: I want a choo-choo train finally
KingOMtDew: I'm shroomin my nutz off
lilSkimo7: i there, how are things? i once drank your breast milk....
Stiiv Ryan: oh.......hamsterized
PaleHinduHomie: more insaner, that's right.
Subterfuge83: with deformations out the ass
lilSkimo7: the winning team EARNS the strippers
xx ZombieX13 xx: and an asian dude dressed in carpet
x kalashnikova x: like one last kick in the nuts to mercy
Blueflowers: bitchcakes
KingOMtDew: the old man is moving the walls, he doesnt want me working on his house
Stiiv Ryan: forsooth, thou art a douchebag lol
Subterfuge83: It's funny, Thai people can eat babies, but cannot appear in a porn film..
xx ZombieX13 xx: I just told her that her grandmother who died today did not go to heaven
PaleHinduHomie: i put a banana down my pants the other day
Stiiv Ryan: ah'll gib you a brush, foo......a brush wif DEF
lilSkimo7: however i did get some pimp cufflinks
Subterfuge83: Not sure what he would do witha dance cap besides look gey, but atleast he would be too stoned by smoking his pipe to care..
Subterfuge83: Set someone on fire?
xx ZombieX13 xx: and broke the hearts of thousands if not millions of old people
lilSkimo7: GOD WANTS ME TO GRADUATE
MagusXCrono: you know, if you talked like this to me face to face you'd get a ass whoopin by me
benkenstein1: not much just picking up my tea cart from norwood.
InsanEFreaK58: u can toast my school bus
lilSkimo7: i took your advice and eye of the tiger woke me up @ 5 45
PaleHinduHomie: i'm going to kil you.
xx ZombieX13 xx: "GOD! I'm tired! I SHOULD GO TO BED! THE RABBIT'S DEAD! IT'S 12:45! EVERYONE GO TO BED, I'M TIRED! GODDAMN DOG!"
lilSkimo7: and i'll let you help me put down the white coat if you give me $5 and your ball
Subterfuge83: Ready for some orthograph loving?
Blueflowers: i have 963 nintendo games
taovasectomy: you're away, but when you get back, know that one bunny has been slaughtered for every hour you've been away
benkenstein1: a fuel-hair bomb you always wanted one
xx ZombieX13 xx: hmm... I smell pretty
PaleHinduHomie: i like the pope! because he does not smoke dope!
xx ZombieX13 xx: I figured out why the bean was attacking
BigEvan6969: if I'm not dead on sat I'll give you a call
Pulled Over Org: OK...I'm going back onto the roof to finish up...
Subterfuge83: Nitrile Rubber Gauze Kit especially suitable for recreating muscle fascia and bladder tissue
taovasectomy: attracted 22 million in Korea
NewpyLong: NEIN
BigEvan6969: You may be exposed to pathogens so you can not be immunocompromised in any way.
xx ZombieX13 xx: you can't build a computer out of ice unless you're english
benkenstein1: hahaha maybe but5 damn it FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT AWWWWWWWWW GRRRRRRR HISSSSSS FUCK BLAH BLAH BLAH PISS ON AND ANT POOOOOP FUCK!
lilSkimo7: i would honestly think that the class president and student council president could come up w/ some intelligent rhymes
Stiiv Ryan: got a black eye diving offstage onto some fat kid who moved as I became airborne
benkenstein1: i could put the acordian inbetween my legs
xx ZombieX13 xx: he said "Nice hat, man! LEGALIZE IT!!!!" then he gave me the sign of the beast
lilSkimo7: mpotence and halucinations
BrassBigD: I wouldn't have been able to goomba a piece of a freight train.
Subterfuge83: 1.31 people suck
lilSkimo7: hie's ia little girllie booooopie fagoot tifgninger
tssarMark: You will be assimilated.
x kalashnikova x: in bob we trust
KingOMtDew: that would be a lot of couches
xx ZombieX13 xx: pain compliance - a legitimate law enforcement tool; and my favorite.
lilSkimo7: my dog ate my HD
benkenstein1: this is her on dave computer you insensitive dick
lilSkimo7: smack baby jesus and knock him over
Horrible Flowers: man was that a Molasses Bunny
xx ZombieX13 xx: I offered to buy his blood for like $7
BrassBigD: That's 11 dollars just for MY stomach lol.
taovasectomy: \me bows down
lilSkimo7: involved me wearing a sombero while carrying around ice cream
PaleHinduHomie: i just remembered i fell down the stairs twice
Stiiv Ryan: now I shall go destroy the children.....ttyl my friend
sniper376: they will find you, the devil guides midgets to their prey
x kalashnikova x: cause squirrels are gay
Stiiv Ryan: yes...I have sincerely tanked God a buncha times
xx ZombieX13 xx: but my keyboard looked hungry
LtDookbottom: *note: my kids also speak leet*
Horrible Flowers: i stopped it, and made the sign of the cross and spit on your name
lilSkimo7: thank you dr.bob
PaleHinduHomie: hell no to H2O
Stiiv Ryan: I yam friggin Studly Do-Right
TAO BlacKwidoW: OMG NOT AGAIN AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
sniper376: he is shadier than a llama
lilSkimo7: yeah dude a trip to cleveland is nothing to joke about
Horrible Flowers: what the fuck is the differance between - and +
xx ZombieX13 xx: THAT COMPUTER IS RACIST!!!!!!!!
Horrible Flowers: Tribes Gasps really loud and shouts out...."Its the sled!"
tssarMark: Or burgers, though that can go really wrong on a kangaroo.
BigEvan6969: I'm fuckin their day up is what I'm doin
Blueflowers: you win again, gravity
xx ZombieX13 xx: silver nanoparticle condoms
sniper376: (shady dance)
xx ZombieX13 xx: suicide bombers: an equal opportunity employer
Subterfuge83: How much does it cost to have a parole hearing?
PaleHinduHomie: kill them babies.
teamdeltaforce: I have decided that for my bacholor party, I am going to buy a case or two of tannerite
xx ZombieX13 xx: I played with human remains in school today and then I snorted human skull.
lilSkimo7: i smell liek butt
PaleHinduHomie: yeah ok argyle is the shit
Pulled Over Org: yep...I'm now able to tell people they suck.....
xx ZombieX13 xx: confirmation code: MONKEY MAD! MONKEY SMASH!
KingOMtDew: he even sent the virus to himself :-)
AFedosick420: OMG! UR SUCH A NOOB!!!!
makemydayfoo: ...hang on...must kill mouse
Viper01382: how many stumps??
teamdeltaforce: i will bring guns and explosives
xx ZombieX13 xx: they beat the mexicans 10-5
W13rd04: this thing is going to be glowing a really bright red
Subterfuge83: someone was talking about kniving a horses rectum.. And I typed, "..a knife in the horses rectum?"
BrassBigD: Blah Blah beer. Blah Blah dog. Blah Blah truck. Blah Blah women. There's country.
xx ZombieX13 xx: but there were big bold words that had badgers dancing around them
x kalashnikova x: places of employment are excluded in ethics reasoning
Stiiv Ryan: in any direction...at any time....any consistancy
lilSkimo7: if there's one thing i've learned today it's that i hate French- Algerian Existentialists
LftRightCenter: theres no way i spelled that right
Stiiv Ryan: lol "anal storm"
PaleHinduHomie: yeah that'd probably give u a ball burn
Subterfuge83: That actually have teefs
Blueflowers: before that shed be laying on the ground on her back spinning in circles kicking her legs while wearing a skirt
lilSkimo7: otherwise she might have died from snowballs
xx ZombieX13 xx: the answer: doesn't matter.... they're poor
Horrible Flowers: imagine my surprise when I saw a person appear from a wall
x kalashnikova x: besides... dont you have a fondness for angel porcelin statues?
Stiiv Ryan: did ever tell you about when I invented the particle-beam weapon? at like 10 yrs old?
F Fatchick: get out your retard translator
Horrible Flowers: stuffed in a barrel
BabySoldat: i have this odd feeling im about to hung by my small neck.
AFedosick420: i hate everyone
BrassBigD: I got too much blood splatter on that suit, had to find a new one
PaleHinduHomie: no fuck that, that wasn't funny
Stiiv Ryan: well, my friend Al's new house is right across the street from his grave....inadvertantly
Blueflowers: wood and nails are sweet
lilSkimo7: i'm yelling BEN KLIEN...YOUR DAD TOUCHED MY PENIS
sniper376: might get fucked next week
xx ZombieX13 xx: I even raped it and it still won't go
Shilligosis: I just asked Fatty if he wants to cyber
Blueflowers: i went to home depot and told the guy i needed enough tubing to hold 4 beers
Stiiv Ryan: HELLO THAR sENOR tILDE
LftRightCenter: callin a man out for lyin is like calling a retarded kid out for double dribble
xx ZombieX13 xx: I was killing cartoon gremlins in a house with two fireplaces while eating McDonald's
Stiiv Ryan: ate lots of family
lilSkimo7: if only my 40 year old lebanese doctor watched southpark
xx ZombieX13 xx: "What was empowering about the agency, to whom, and in what way?"
BrassBigD: guess I'll be calling you the goombanaught
KillBilly TAO: i got some hate built up in me about now
LftRightCenter: you retake my hero position
LftRightCenter: over that mouse who chases things
xx ZombieX13 xx: mmmmmuuuuhhhhhheeeerrrrrrruuuuuhhhhhhhh.... neeeeedddd mitochandriaaaaaaa bbbbbrrrrrraaawwwwwrrrrppppphhhhh
sniper376: fuck off english professor bob
lilSkimo7: girls are dubm
lilSkimo7: dumb*
lilSkimo7: lol...irony
xx ZombieX13 xx: shit..... conspiracy to commit communism
LftRightCenter: you know what you have to do
LftRightCenter: for the red army
lilSkimo7: YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE RIGHT...except about the suspenders
Subterfuge83: brb, god needs to piss
teamdeltaforce: let print a bunch up and put them in every bathroom we can find
Stiiv Ryan: I gave him my baby to kiss, and he bit it! In the head!
xx ZombieX13 xx: we have shit tons of propylene glyco here.........
Stiiv Ryan: and anything that involves a trapezoid can't be good...I'm sorry
Subterfuge83: No, I mean the fucking nut bags